Last March, I made a really hard decision. A few months away from moving back to where we had lived before that year in Europe, I had no idea what changes were just around the bend. Even in the beginning of March, I thought that the end of the summer would bring a return to my host city of 5 years as well as life as it was before. The same friends, same school, same city, only a few minor things were going to change as I returned to my previous life.
Over the year we were gone, I sat down to write the letter I needed to reapply for my old school at least a dozen times, but I never finished it. Something felt really off, I just didn't know what. I looked at other schools in the area and none of them felt right either.
March brought the new school year closer and I knew I needed to apply somewhere, but nothing felt right. When I left, there was this aura of finality and I never understood why. I thought (and hoped) it might mean staying in North Africa, but my parents didn't feel the same way. They were ready to get back to the way life was before, their ministry and our old city.
I prayed.... and prayed.... and prayed. All of the sudden, I just knew what God was telling me to do. Never in a million years would I have thought that I would do this, but I felt like God was leading me to boarding school. I had considered it a few years before, but then never given it any more thought. It felt really random, but I believe with my whole heart it was from God. I just knew that's where I needed to be these next two years.
The thought of going to boarding school and that much change terrified me. Sure, I would have a community I wouldn't have where I usually lived, but I wouldn't have so many other things, like my family. I didn't feel like I was ready. I wanted the two more years with them before undergoing the transition that should have normally waited until college. I weighed the pros and cons for a while, but I couldn't deny the calling on my life. I applied, got in, and had a hectic summer. Six months later, I'm here.
Boarding school still terrifies me. I still don't feel like I'm ready for this much independence and freedom. Right now it feels surreal, like I'm just at summer camp, but knowing that this is my life for the next two years is so scary. I dont feel like I should be away from my parents, I want their guidance in my life in ways they can't provide it over the phone, a set schedule and all the other things that come with living at home.
But apparently God thought I was ready for this. In Spiderman into the spider verse, Spider-Man asks "How will I know when I'm ready?", and the answer he receives is very insightful: "You'll never know when you're ready. It's a leap of faith." That was boarding school for me. I'm in the middle of a huge leap of faith, but I know that God is holding me and is going to carry me to the other side. Even if I fall, he'll be with me, and that's what's important. He’s faithful and constant, and doesn’t « change like the shifting shadows ».
We don't know what's ahead, but all we can do is follow God and trust in Him, leaping to do the things He calls us to do in faith. The leap I made when I decided to come to boarding school was one of the scariest things I've ever done in my life, but I have a feeling that it is going to be one of the most worthwhile and impactful decisions I have ever made. So yes, sometimes making decisions and choosing the hard path is scary. But, we can trust that if we follow the Lord He will provide and be right with us the whole way. He is wise and knows more than we will ever know.
God has moved in my life in so many ways in the past few weeks, and I know deep down that this was the right decision. I'm right where I need to be right now, placed in the classes I need to be in for this season of life with these amazing influences around me. So even when doubt and homesickness creep in, I know with all my heart that this jump I'm taking right now and all the jumps I'm going to take to follow God's calling on my life are worth it. And I will follow Him until the end.
Will you join me on this journey of leaps of faith?
Rose
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