We all know somebody who does it. The “well, actually” kid, often teased with the nerd emoji on social media. He/she is referred to as a know-it-all, smart-alec (or something ruder), and is insufferable to be around.
The archetype is well known across many cultures, although not well-liked. The proper term for such behavior is condescension, which is defined by Oxford dictionary as “an attitude of patronizing superiority; disdain.” I prefer my personal definition, “Gosh, you don’t know what condescension is?”
This brings me to my first point about condescension: it is a poison to which I find myself highly susceptible. When I first moved in 2020, I came to a new middle school, which lacked the academic rigor of my previous one. This naturally led me to assume intellectual superiority over all of my peers. I figured if I frowned and corrected just enough, maybe someone intelligent would magically appear to be my friend.
My school was an international one, and the experience of condescension cross-culturally is particularly interesting. Of course, when speaking of culture it is always important to remember that these are broad strokes, and do not apply to every circumstance. With that in mind, it has been my experience that American culture tends to place a higher value on youth than German culture. American teenagers expect, and often demand, to be treated like adults, which can lead to perceived condescension when this expectation is not met.
Unfortunately, my new class had 11 kids, and many of them grew to dislike me. They were all fascinating people from various cultural backgrounds, with diverse experiences and crazy stories, but I had shut myself off from learning this because of my prejudice against them. My assumption that they were unintelligent (and therefore not worth my time) made me less intelligent, and also much lonelier.
By contrast, German adults see a communal responsibility for the education of teenagers, and will frequently reprimand them for their perceived slights. In Germany, it is more than expected for adults, and even strangers, to correct and often insult the youth. To many Americans this can come across as condescension, seeing as this is not how they expect to be treated. As an international student here in Germany, I’ve often heard people complaining with phrases such as “who does he think he is?” or “gosh, that was so German of her.” The use of the term “German” by Americans usually entails some form of condescension. But is this the correct response?
Luckily, I had a restart the next year. By God’s grace alone my stubborn 12-year-old brain caught on to the mistake and corrected course. Since then, condescension is something I’ve been terrified of, and although I’m better at avoiding it now, I still cringe at myself sometimes. The trouble is, more than simply learning to be friendlier, though, becoming less condescending is a matter of changing your understanding of what makes someone worth your time. This is exceptionally difficult.
Christian doctrine teaches that a person’s worth comes from their creation in the image of God. This is a point often understated. God is so valuable, and so far above us, that even just sharing some qualities with him makes us inherently valuable. This is the re-calibration required: people aren’t worth my time because they’re smart, or because I like them, or because they’re funny. They’re worth my time because they’re made in the image of God. Condescension can only result from misunderstanding this doctrine. Perceiving a person as less than yourself, and therefore talking down to them, can only occur when the meterstick reads human values rather than those of God.
With this in mind, our interactions with other cultures should change. It can be difficult to see past our own cultural bias, but it’s important to remember that when those from other cultures might not be talking down to us, it’s just a different expectation of communication. Moreover, when people are really condescending to us, it’s important to remember that these people still have inherent worth and value. Rather than slander a whole culture (“she was being so German about it”), we should both remember our place as foreigners, and as well as show love as Christians.
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