Hey guys!
Today, I would like to share an interview. This month’s interviewee is a pretty cool person I met recently with a unique story. She is an adult TCK who moved back to the States for college, but recently returned to her old host country. Anyways, I will stop writing and let her share more of her story!
1. Where did you live growing up? For how long?
I grew up in North Africa and I lived there for 16 years!
2. What was your favorite part of your host country?
One of my favorite things about my host country is how diverse it is. Even though it’s a small country, it’s filled with costal views, beaches, big cities, small towns, mountains, forest, and even desert! I think it’s amazing how so much can be present within one country!
3. Why did you decide to move back?
After graduating university in the US, I decided to move back to my host country for a few reasons. The first reason- I really missed my family! I have 2 younger siblings still living there and after spending 4 years in the US it felt like I was missing out on seeing them grow up. I didn’t want them to become adults and feel like they barely knew me since I wasn’t around. Secondly, I wanted to travel more! North Africa is unique in that so many countries are close together and Europe is just a short flight away, making it an ideal location for someone who wants to see more of the world. Lastly, I missed it! There were so many things that were hard for me to get used to about living in the US and being back has felt like home (because it is!).
4. Does living in your old host country feel different now that you have been back to the
states and are at a different point in life?
Being back definitely feels different, for three big reasons. Firstly, the country has gone through significant changes- go away for 4 years and the culture shifts! So there’s a lot of things to get used to and relearn that I wasn’t expecting. Secondly, you know how people make a place feel like home? I returned to my host country expecting to see familiar faces and rekindle friendships with old friends. I was surprised to find that many of the expats I had known, no longer lived here. I remember going to a social gathering the first week I returned and expected to recognize families, but everyone was new to me! This means I couldn’t rely on old friendships for community, I HAD to meet new people (of course I was expecting that, but not to this extent!). And lastly, I came back as a “real adult”! When I lived here before, I was just a kid. I didn’t have to buy groceries, communicate with a landlord, pay bills, work a full time job… Living here now with a wider list of responsibilities is one the biggest changes to growing up here.
5. Because of the distance that you used to have between you and family growing up,
do you have a different perspective now on family relationships and/or friendships?
Being far from extended family was definitely the hardest part about living overseas, both growing up and even now. I have such a close relationship with my grandparents and I know that that comes from spending quality time with them when I’m with them, because I know that time together is limited so I have to take advantage of it.
6. What was/is your favorite part of living overseas?
My favorite thing about living overseas is realizing that there’s not just one “right way” to do some thing, but that there are different ways of doing the same thing. Let me explain. For a lot of growing up I thought that there was a “best way” to do something (maybe this is more a personality thing!), but being around people who were different than me has made me realize that just because someone does something differently, doesn’t mean it’s bad or wrong- it’s just different! There are different ways to eat, travel, work, raise your kids- living overseas has showed me that one of these ways isn’t better than the other.
7. What was/is your least favorite part of living overseas? What was/is the biggest
challenge of it?
One of the challenges of growing up overseas is having to explain why I live overseas & never really fitting into a box in people’s minds. For people who haven’t had a multi-cultural life, it can be hard to understand why someone would want to move to another country. It can sometimes feel like people look at my life under a microscope and question everything I do, which isn’t a very “at home” or friendly feeling.
8. What did you miss most about living overseas when you moved back to the US?
I obviously missed my family so much when I moved to the US for university! Aside from that, one of the hardest transitions moving to the States as a student was getting around without having a car or a drivers liscense. I realized that the walkability and public transportation of my host country was much more accessible and affordable than that of the US. American movies taught me that there would be subways and buses, but I realized that’s mostly in big cities like New York City, not your average small town. Something I was thankful for about living in the US was getting to spend a lot of quality time with my husband’s family, especially before moving overseas. Unlike my family, my husband’s family all lives within 30 minutes of each other and it provided me a family to celebrate birthdays and holidays with when my family was far away.
9. What was the best part and the biggest challenge of moving back overseas?
The best part about moving back overseas is getting outside my comfort zone to learn new things about myself. However, that’s simultaneously the biggest challenge about moving back overseas to! Relearning the language and putting myself in positions where I don’t know things can be really scary and humbling.
10. How do your past experiences and your life overseas still affect you today? What are
some ways that they have shaped you to become the person you are today?
A big way that my experiences overseas have shaped who I am today is my ability (and I think all TCKs ability) to observe and not be afraid of asking questions in order to fit in. Just yesterday my husband and I went out for dinner at a very different type of restaurant. For a minute I got really flustered and overwhelmed because I didn’t know how the “culture of the restaurant” worked, but then I just stopped and watched what other people did. Because of the constant changes in culture that a TCK experiences, I think TCKs are skilled in observing others in order to blend in- most TCKs probably don’t even realize they do it!
11. Do you have any advice for current TCKs?
My biggest piece of advice for TCKs is to stay humble. While I do believe that the TCK experience is incredibly rewarding and worth celebrating, it can also lead us to believe that we are BETTER than those who haven’t lived or learned the we have. Moving to the US for university showed me that someone who grew up in the same city their whole life and has never even visited another country (like my husband!!) has just as much to offer as a TCK who may have experienced a diverse and multicultural upbringing. Don’t let your TCKness get in the way of forming strong relationships!
Thank you for reading, and thank you Chrissy for sharing your story and taking time to respond to these questions!!
Would you like to be interviewed? Let us know at tcktimes@gmail.com.
God bless,
Rose
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