Last month, things were pretty hectic, and I didn't have the time to write for the blog. That being said, I now have the next interview in the series I started earlier this year that I would like to share with you. I have been interviewing friends and family to get a different perspective on how the transition to becoming a TCK impacts our family and close friends that we must leave behind and get a closer look at long-distance relationships of all types.
This month, I interviewed one of my aunts, who was a TCK growing up and is now living in her home country, and it was so interesting to hear her perspective. Without delay, let’s get this ball rolling!
Where did you live growing up? For how long?
I lived mostly in the Middle East for 11 years- from 1st grade through 10th grade and then on and off while I was in boarding school my last 2 years of high school.
Where do you live now? How long have you lived there?
I live in Virginia! I have lived in this specific city for 3 years but in Virginia for like 8 years now. I moved here when my parents moved back to the states and then I completed a gap year program and came here for college. I then moved to my current city after college to work as a nurse at a hospital!
Growing up overseas, how did you communicate with family or friends in other parts of the world?
When I was growing up, the internet was constantly changing how we communicated. When I was really little, I think you primarily had to use very expensive ways of communicating and long-distance phone calls. However, when we moved to the Middle East when I was in the first grade, Skype was a brand-new thing. It was really cool to be able to hear someone’s voice and not be worried about spending a ton of money. When I was in middle and high school we mostly used Skype and Vonage. Vonage was basically an American phone number that we had as a second “landline” in our house. So if anyone in the US tried to call it it was just like they were calling a local (US) number.
Because of the distance that you used to have between you and your family growing up, do you have a different perspective now on family relationships and/or friendships?
One thing I learned was that it is always a balance between being present where you are and keeping up with those you love that are elsewhere in the world! I still struggle to find that balance, tending towards one or the other in different seasons. But I have learned to be gracious with myself in this because it’s not easy! I want to make sure my friends and family know I love them and miss them; however, I do not want that to keep me from creating new meaningful relationships with others.
How does having been a TCK influence your relationships with family members that live overseas?
I think it helps me realize that they too have the challenging task of the balancing act at play! I miss them dearly, but I know that even when we can't be together, we are praying for and loving each other even from a distance. It also makes me cherish the time I have with them even more, every time we get to spend together is just so valuable and meaningful.
Do you have any advice on long-distance relationships with family and friends for TCKs currently living overseas?
I read this quote from C.S. Lewis recently that I think just really pokes at the heart of why it is important to fully invest in your relationships, both short and long-distance: “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” Even though being far away from family and friends is really hard and hurts a lot, it is worth it. It is worth loving and opening yourself up to the possibility of hurting because human connection reflects the relational heart of God. Through the vulnerability of loving our friends and family, we grow in our delight of the Lord.
What was your favorite part of living overseas?
Something I liked about living overseas was that I gained a perspective many people don't have from experiencing new cultures at a young age. I loved learning about new places and just the mere recognition that there is more to life than my own personal comfort and satisfaction. Seeing the world and seeing the shared experience of humanity despite the differences that we may feel separate us is such a grounding realization.
What was your least favorite part of living overseas? What was the biggest challenge of it?
I think we have really touched on what the most challenging part of living overseas is. You are always missing people you love! At times it was really lonely, feeling very distant from family and the people you feel like just “get” you. But with every move, I have learned that I can find people I love and new communities in each of these places. The hardest parts of moving and living overseas are also some of the biggest blessings.
What do you miss most about living overseas?
I miss the culture for sure! The highly relational culture of the Middle East is such a wonderful aspect of life there! It is less about the hustle and more about spending time with people. I love just sitting around and drinking tea with people, and how ultimately a fulfilling day is one where you did just that!
What was something that you rediscovered and that shocked you when you moved permanently back to your home country?
I think something that was hard for me about moving back to my home country was the high emphasis on hustle and individualism. It felt really lonely when I moved here because it seemed like making friends just did not come as easy. People here are really nice, but sometimes you feel pretty isolated because everyone is so focused on personal achievements that stopping to just spend time with one another can fall to the wayside.
How did growing up as a TCK and living overseas impact you?
I think the things we have talked about really touch on this. But another aspect is that I feel like compassion and empathy come a lot easier for me because of my experience overseas. Putting myself in someone else’s shoes is a lot easier because I have seen the hardships of the world firsthand, whether that is the effects of war, poverty, or brokenness. I think it has also enabled me to have a realistic view of my home culture, recognizing that although there are many great things it is not perfect. Even in my home culture, I am not fully at home because my home is yet to come!
How do your past experiences and life in different countries still affect you today?
Living overseas and my childhood experiences have strong impacts on my life today! In fact, my next goal is to go back overseas. I see the worth of living life in other cultures. It also brings me to see needs in my own community and draws me to the foreigners right here. It is cool to see how the transient nature of our world today means that I can meet people from the various cultures I lived in overseas right here in Virginia!
Do you have any advice for current TCKs?
My advice would just be to open your eyes and hearts to the cultures you are in! There is so much you can learn from people, and they have such incredible insights to offer. These things might not seem like they have a huge impact on your life now, but down the road, you will look back on your childhood and see how the challenges you have experienced have only made you stronger, more grounded, and given you a larger perspective. Your challenges are not in vain, there is a purpose that God is working through in your life. It is worth having relationships, although that means having to be vulnerable and opening yourself up to the possibility of pain, for the sake of experiencing the endless blessings of community and the love of Christ reflected in our earthly relationships!
Thank you so much to my aunt for doing this article! It was really cool to hear what you had to say about life overseas and I hope that we can all learn something from your experience.
If you would like to be interviewed in the future for The TCK Times, feel free to contact us at tcktimes@gmail.com. We love hearing from you!!
Rose
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