Saying goodbye: The RAFT method

As TCKs, I think we all know when we say goodbye that it may be for good. People return to their home countries “for a time” and never come back, and when others move somewhere else, you never really know for sure if or when you will see each other again. Mid-June, I am leaving the African country we have lived in for the past year to return to Europe with my family. That means I have to say goodbye to the people and this amazing place that I have grown very fond of over the past 15 months. I love it here and although I don’t want to leave, I know that I have to and I am determined to do it well. I also know that God has a plan in everything and I can already see His hand in the doors He has opened for the future. When we left Europe to come here, I didn’t do it well, so this time around I want to make sure that I am prepared to leave and have no regrets leaving, not having to look back.

I recently discovered a really cool tool called RAFT that can help you walk through how to say goodbye in a healthy, good manner, and I wanted to share it with you guys today. I personally am using i and it has helped me as I prepare to start the farewells and as I process the upcoming chnage, all the while reflecting on the past year?

R- reconciliation

Before you leave, you want to make sure that you don’t leave any conflict unresolved.

Ask yourself, is there anyone that I have conflict with? Don’t leave things the way they are, but go seek that person out and resolve any problems, even if you aren’t at fault. You’ll regret it if you don’t, and you don’t want to start your new life in another place with the bitterness on your heart that comes from unresolved conflict and lack of forgiveness.

A- Affirmation

Tell your friends, peers and other important people in your life hw much they mean to you. For me, I have a stack of about 20 notes in my room that I plan on giving people over the next few months as we say goodbye. It’s also saying thank you and telling them when they do something that touches you or makes your day.

This may look different depending on who you are trying to affirm, but it could take the form of gifts, notes, spending time with them, just telling them/words….In the end, it’s leaving nothing that needs to be said unsaid and just loving on friends and family as much as possible before you leave, as well as not leaving them any space to doubt how much they mean to you and what a big part of your life they are.

F-farewell

Make sure to say goodbye and have an appointed time to do that with each person you love, and dot hat well. Who do you need to say goodbye to? Make a list and think about what the best way to do so would be. Planning ahead is also helpful, so that you don't end up saying goodbye to the same person several times. Goodbyes are painful and not necessarily something anyone enjoys, it's better to not put yourself and the other person through it ten times ;)

T- Think ahead

Prepare to move to your next destination by looking ahead. start to get excited or find out exciting new things about your next home base as you prepare to go. Are you moving to a new country where you don’t speak the language? If so, you could do some Duolingo and prepare so that you can communicate at least the basic things upon arrival. Finding things to look forward to is helpful as you transition, because they are a reminder that even if life seems pretty bleak right now because of change, God is working and He is going to use the change to bring pretty amazing things in your life!

One thing I am also doing is making a bucket list of all the things I would like to do before we leave. (This list includes new places I would like to see, places I want to go one last time, foods I want to eat, things I want to do with my friends)

If you aren’t the one leaving, and you have a friend leaving, you may want to consider making a bucket list of all the things you want to do together before you leave, and maybe even working on RAFT yourself so that you don’t have any regrets either and can mourn someone’s .Honestly, sometimes it’s harder to be the one being left behind than the one moving, and change can be pretttyyyy hard.

Remember, in everything God has a plan and He knows what He is doing, even if it doesn’t seem like that sometimes! he sees you and he knows what you are going through ;) Do you have a story about God's faithfulness admist transition? Share with us at tcktimes.contact@gmail.com or leave a comment below :)

God bless,

Rose