It hit me like a wall of bricks the other day. I realized that after this year, my life will utterly and completely change.
It’s my senior year.
After this, I’ll leave my family, my current lifestyle, my school, my friends, my life. I’m going back to my home country for university, like I’ve always wished. I’m already aware of all that I am going to lose-this loss most certainly won’t catch me by surprise. I’ve prepared to graduate and pursue a college degree since my first day of Kindergarten. I’ve always wanted to be done with secondary school and get on to college; yet now that it's near, I can see the countdown on the detonator as fear overwhelms me. I no longer have a deep desire to go to college. Instead, I have a deep sense of terror.
Should I run? I could run far from any possibility of hurt. I could build walls a thousand feet high and wide, burying myself in books as an attempt to save my bruised heart from yet another beating. The less impact the better, right? After all, I’ve only been at my school for one year. What could possibly be good and come out of investing in another?
Let me stop that train of thought in its tracks.
You see, I’m terrified, just like a deer in the headlights staring at the car coming it’s way. I know there is no way to avoid all of the pain in my life. My fear is making me forget all of the lessons I’ve had to learn over and over again. If you look at all that I have written for this blog over the years, you’ll see me wrestling with the question of change… Yet, God patiently whispers peace into my weary heart over and over again telling me that no matter what. He’ll be right beside me. Recently, that was in the form of a reminder of a lesson he taught me years ago.
When we lived in North Africa, I had 1 year and 3 months. I knew that coming in and I knew that the chances of us staying longer were slim to none. So, I decided it wasn’t worth it to make friends. I blocked everyone out and didn’t let anyone in. My defenses were sky high and no one, not even my old and life long friends, knew what was really going on in my life,
or how much I was struggling.
That summer (three months after we moved to North Africa), we returned to the States for a conference and some family time. When we came back, I realized that I was not ok, and started the journey to healing. Yet, in the back of my mind, the clock was constantly ticking. I wrestled with the idea of investment, as I had less than a year left.
God had continually put Jeremiah 29:11 on my heart through the move and the months leading up to it, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans not to harm you but to give you a hope and a future.” My aunt and uncle had written this verse in a card one Christmas and it leaped out at me and it had always stuck with me, I guess. But in this particular season, it just kept coming back.
One day that fall, I realized that I had never looked at the context, so I pulled out my Bible and turned the calligraphy-ridden pages to the book of Jeremiah, chapter 29. You know what God was telling people to do? To trust in his plan and his power so much that they “settle down” (verse 5). They knew that their exile was temporary, and although there was certain to be heartache because they were living in a different country, He called them to trust Him. Trust Him so much so that they “marry and have sons and daughters” (verse 6), amidst the uncertainty of the future. They would have to trust that He was going to give their kids a better life than theirs, and even if it wasn’t better, that He had a plan.
He didn’t just want them to settle down, He also called for them to be present in their city and “seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which [He had] carried you into exile” (verse 7) . It wasn’t solely about investing in each other as the Israelites were supposed to intermarry, it was also about investing in the community in which they lived.
God told them through the prophet Jeremiah later on in this passage that they were going to be there for seventy years only and then He would fulfill his promise to them and save them. They knew how long they were going to have to be there, yet they still were called to not just cross every day off the calendar but instead to invest in each other and the Israelite community as well as the city where they were exiled, pursuing their good as well.
Yet, that’s not all, as God also called them to repentance in the end of the chapter and for them to seek Him in verses 12-13. We are not to just wait inactively for the time to be up. God puts us places and if we can be a light, why would we waste the time that we could be investing for the Kingdom? We shouldn’t just selfishly decide that we wouldn’t like to get hurt, that we would prefer to build walls. By letting people in and serving others, we can shine for Him and be godly examples for Him. Once I let people in and I took down the many walls separating me from vulnerability and empathy, I was able to pour into so many people as well as be poured into.
Need I also point out that we have a unique position? We’re the oldest in our schools, fellow class of 2025. We have people that automatically look up to us, and in some ways, the seniors may even set the tone for the school and events, etc. We can shine for Jesus, by continually abiding in him and working towards repentance and a continued pursuit of holiness, which reflects in how we lead our lives.
I want to issue a call to my fellow seniors: let’s invest where we’re at, and lead by example.
Will you join me?
Rose
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